haebin: (Stock ||| Dark Flower)
that is finally my last day...
i slept very long (woke up at 2.30pm) because i couldn't find any sleep this night and cried the whole time. i am just having 4 hours until i have to leave the hostel...
i think, i will take a long shower now and then bringing my luggage to the guest room. and oh my god, it is so heave. i really bought a lot of presents. wish me luck that i don't have to pay for it, because i don't have any money more...
then i will watch a little bit tv and asking ah long for help to order for me a cab, so that i can leave on time.
gunjan comfirmed my flight yesterday and what a surprise, today i will meet audrey for the first time ever in singapore. on my last day. we talked yesterday on msn and she said, i am coming to the airport. so, i am blessed, right?

seriously, i don't know what to write down. i don't wanna leave. i wanna stay here. i am happy here. but i know i have to go. and i am happy to see my parents, mirko and lisa. and kiki of course.
i feel so ripped apart...

the only thing i am wishing for my flight is, that i will sleep the whole time. that makes it easier for me, kinda.

nya, i am taking a shower now. i think, when the computer is free here, i will take another look!

please take care.


Jan. 17th, 2010 07:09 pm
haebin: (Dir en Grey ||| Kaoru ||| In thoughts)
I made it :)
I was alone by myself in the city. woohoo! without any help i took the bus, found the place where I wanted to be and had a nice time. i just walked around made some really cool pictures. I was in the near of the Singapore National Museum ( http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/nms/nms_html/index.asp )
They are having an interesting exhibition about the egypts right now and I am thinking about visiting it :)

I've visited some churches and was highly impressed. I like the idea of having a peaceful spot right in the city, a place for a retreat. I was in one church (the oldest catholic church here in singapore) and started to pray for my family and my friends ... even when i am not that religious.
I am confused right now about my feelings and so i have asked for help.

I am not really good in giving the places which I ve visited a name, lol. but u can say it, when i am back and uploading all my pictures. and prepared, i made a lot of pictures. and making more of them.

tomorrow alecs and i wanna see us again and he wanna bring me to Vivo city, a spot near to the see :)

yesterday we went out for korean dinner in chinatown and omfg, it was sooo much to eat o.O
really, the whole table was full of food. he said always u have to try this and to try that and I really wanted it, but god, I was so full.

Ah, btw ... the chinese new year is close so they started to decorate chinatown now. it is so, so beautiful. i really have to go there again, making more pictures ^^

today, after eating a sandwich at subways (and now I feel so sick, lol) I took a cab back home. The cab driver was really cool and we talked about lot. and this time we drove through little india o____O
u are feeling there like bollywood, no joke. and they were SO MANY people there o_O
funny thing is ... of all the people u are seeing there, 98% of them are guys, rofl. I was like ... gosh, what is that? where are the women here? o.O

but it was funny. now i am at "home" and i don't wanna do anything, seriously. I am tired and wanna sleep as soon as possible. i was awake the last night and had too many things in my mind.

nya, anyway. have a great start in the new week, ne? :)

lots of love,

PS: Mama? Knuddel mir Kiki XDDD
haebin: (Fullmetal Alchimist ||| Not a good day)
I am still feeling sick. and i don't know why. like i wrote it in the other entry, i woke up this morning and had horrible stomach pains. alecs said to me i have to use the oil which i bought it and rubb it on my belly. it actually helped a little bit. it was a warm feeling like my mum would stroke my belly ^^

for today i am doing nothing. i wanted to go out, but i am not feeling so well. so, i only left the hostel for eating something and buying water. now I am back and i think, i'll stay in my room for the whole evening.

today a lot of students came to the hostel, so it is booked out and lout and too many people are around. at least for me.
another girl came in my room, too, so i am not alone anymore. that means, here are a lot of people and i think i can't use the computer terminal so often like the last days, sorry. so i can't replying on your comments so fast. i am sorry for that.

when i feel a little bit better tomorrow i will use the time to go to the swimming complex. for tomorrow evening i want to go out with alecs and the wife. he want to bring me to a korean restaurant and said to me, u have to eat faster

i am really so, so slow :(
but when i would be so fast like him he couldn't pick on me, so it's okay.

und mama, falls du mitliest, wie geht es euch und was macht kiki, meine kleine maus? ich hab von ihr heute nacht getraeumt. was ist mir ihr, sucht sie denn wenigstens mal ab und zu nach mir oder hat sie mich schon vergessen? :)

Luv ya,
haebin: (Zettai Kareshi ||| Sexy)
today i told u that i am very lazy and sleepy, ne? so i thought, i would only going to the lavender food square today, meeting alecs, having lunch, saying goodbye and going back to the hostel for sleep...
When I am together with alecs i never know what happens. thinking about eating here? no way. we have to go like 30 minutes far away (is ja nicht so, als wuerden wir zwischenzeitlich an 100 foodshops vorbeilaufen, rofl). so, when I was close to a breakdown because of the heat, he finally found a shop which was good enough, lol.
and trust me, I tried some strange things. at first I've eat some noodles with meat, that was very tasty. I had some soup with vegetables, some fish eggs *and no, no caviar ... it was actually some fish meat pressed into a ball*, fish *it was extremely gelly but kay* and some meat balls. The last taste pretty nice.
Alecs ate some pig intestines and said always I should try it. But no way. Doen't matter what I feel for him, but I am NOT eating this.

the funniest thing is, that I can always laugh with alecs. he has an awesome humor and I am laughing so, so often. really cute are our funny conversations. they are awesome. We had one today and when I am thinking about it, I am still giggling.
so, when we went to the fortune teller, I had to lay my hands on a stone. don't ask me for what.
so, we had this conversation:

alecs: so what did u feel when u touched the stone?
me: it was actually pretty cold
alecs: oh yeah ... because it was a stone
me: no, not this way. it was a strange coldness
alecs: yeah, that was because the stone stood next to an air conditioner >_>"
me: -_-
alecs: HELLOOOOOOOOOO?!? I am a stone, of course I am cold xDDD

so, we having the most strange conversations ever. He told me about I should visit a prostitute, just for looking. making pictures and so on o.O
I asked him why he knows about such things *blinkblink* and he answered in this cool way: because I am a guy.

I don't know how often I started to laugh. he is awesome. and cute. supercute! (that's a thing he said about himself :P)

So, we went to the Mustafa Complex and I joined him when he bought something for his shop. Even then we made some jokes, lol.
When he was finished, we made a picture for facebook and I hope I am not looking ugly or too fat, lol.

So, he left me and I went around a little bit. So, I bought something to drink and sat on a bench. After a while I saw a guy sitting there, staring at me o.O
At first I thought, okay, maybe he wants to be nice ... and everytime I looked he smiled. So I was really confused about it. The next time when I took a look in his direction, he sat on the next table o.O
After five minutes he stood next to me o____O
And he started a conversation. Oh wait, let me say it like it really was ... he tried it, but his accent was so hard that I had problems to understand him o.O
I talked about a boyfriend and not having time, went in the next shop to buy some stuff for my hair ... as I noticed that the guy followed me o____O
I was confused and after some minutes I became really annoyed. Then he disappeared and was so happy because I thought, yes, finally he is away ... and then he appeared again in the corridor I stood and asked me: ready for loving?



No, I am not ready for making love with an indian stranger. u are so NOT my type of a guy and I am NOT going with the next one in a hotel, having sex -__-
I guess, my reaction of his question was pretty clear so he left the shop. Gosh, I was ... grrrrrrr
Damn those guys. First the two black ones, now the indian one. Hey, I AM in asia. where are the asian ones? LOL.

Anyway, I had a really nice talk with Grace from the hostel now. Nearly 2 hours. She is so cute and she is looking like Lucy Liu :D

I think, I'll go to my room now, changing clothes and going to the swimming complex XD

Like Alecs said ... are u going there for sinking down or swimming? XDDDDD
Lol, I told him that I can't swim, so I am just enjoying the water *____*

See u, Sweethearts XD
haebin: (Pikachu ||| Happy Dance)
I am still sleepy. and damn lazy. I guess, today I am doing nothing, lol. Just meeting with alecs for the lunch to celebrate our first anniversary, rofl. he wants to come to lavender, so i really don't have to go so far. actually i wanted to go to chinatown again today, changing my money because i have only 5 dollars left. but that will be enough to buy a lunch today. for the rest i'll do nothing. maybe just a bit walking around at afternoon, making pictures ^^

see u, huns :D

haebin: (Natsume Yūjinchō ||| Glomp-Attack)
or something like that, lol.
actually i am feeling like my whole body is in flames. i was with alecs at his senseis place. and yes, i got a treatment. worst pain ever in my whole life. but alecs told me, that I got the guy who was more gentle than his guy, rofl. so he was more in pain *hihi*

but let us beging from the start. actually i wanted to take the mrt this morning to the central, but i wasn't insecure and so i used the taxi. but alecs said, he want to see me at chinatown mrt. so i used the one from the central to chinatown. like a little test whether i am able to use the mrt without freaking out or not. i did it, yay.
So, I was one hour to early, lol. I walked a little bit around, made pictures and then sat in a corner, reading my book and waited for alecs. sometimes it is such a pain in the ass to meet with him, because he is never waiting there where I am waiting, rofl. We tend to run into circles to find each other :P

So, he brought me through chinatown. pretty impressive. I have to visit it again. and then we visited the beautiful buddha tooth relic temple and museum. omg, such a beautiful place. so impressing and calming. gosh, beautiful, just beautiful. the temple is pretty *young*, but a wonderful place to find your inner strength and peace.
When u want to see how it looks like, click this page:
It is so, so impressing. and alecs is such a great tour guide. He is taking care for me, explaining me everything, is constantly buying drinks for me because he is worried I am not drinking enough. But when I am out of breath and need a break he is saying to me: no way, it is exercising. When u are sitting down u need 20 minutes before u wanna walk again. rofl. he is so right.
so sometimes i have the feeling that i am seeing whole singapore in just 2 hours because we are walking like crazy. oh, excuse me, not walking ... running. for alecs it is walking pretty slow, for me it is running and begging for a break, rofl.

so, after that we went back to chinatown and went to his sensei. and I got a treatment. gosh, it hurt. it really hurt. and those things the guy used on my back (some chinese herbage oil) burned like hell. It is not really a massage, it is more from qi gong. like stroking and slapping u. and the slaps were so ... aaaaaah ;_;
I swear, I felt like I would be standing in flames O.O

So, I bought some oil and the sensei said, I have to take care of my back. he felt that my muscles and my bones are in need of a good treatment, because I am having those pains for years. And I don't should carry heavy things. So, I paid for this *including the oil) 31 singapore dollar, what isn't really expensive.

After that we went back to the central and i went with alecs in his store. he showed me one of his creepy hobbies (jutta, erinnerst du dich, was ich dir mal erzaehlt habe?). And really, I got such goose bumps. Suddenly I felt very sad and saw in front of my inner eyes (can not explain it in a better way) and old man sitting. he seemed so sad that his life ended and ... gosh, it was a really creepy experience.
I told him that and alecs was surprised that I felt something. And that I actually saw someone o.O

Then he brought me to his hairdresser. and yes, i have a completely new style. it is shorter now, I have a perm, my color is between darkbrown and red now. when I looked in the mirrow *and trust me, I hate it to look at the mirror* I was like ... wtf, who is that? O.O
I have to say, a paid a lot. okay, compared to germany not really a lot. it was 286 singapore dollar *around 145 euro* for cutting my hair, dyeing and a perm + manicure. And yes, fuck it, I deserve something like that. The last time when I went to the hairstyler was like ... 6 years ago. And I felt so good after it.
So, when I left Chris (she is really such a cutie), I send alecs a message and he left his shop, pretended like he would go to the toilet to his wife, and we met again. he loves it. okay, he said, it's nice, but in english the meaning is nicer than in german, rofl (ihr wisst schon, nett is der kleine bruder von sch*eisse und so, lol).
So, we wanna meet us tomorrow again, because ... nya, tomorrow is our first anniversary. lol. when I asked him that, he said ... tomorrow? hm ... tomorrow? Did I forget something, rofl.
Yeah, great, a year before I've met u, lol.

so, I used the mrt alone (!) to the lavender street, with changing my trains! I DID IT!!! and then an old chinese woman asked me where I come from and said then: U are so pretty!
I guess, I smiled in circles, lol. I was so thankful for the compliment I got and went back to the hostel.
There I've met David, the owner, and I wanted to change my 2 dollars into coins for drink. but he gave me an dollar and said: It's my treat.

AND ... better news. the one guy who watched pr0n here, got a last warning. it is forbidden to watch pr0n here and when he is doing it again, he has to leave hostel. So, it worked. I talked in a normal way to grace, begged for help for this situation and it worked.

I swear, i am glaring of happiness right now, lol.

ah, before I reached a hostel a guy tried to flirt with me. but now the bad side: it wasn't an asian :(
yesterday and today black guys asked me for meeting them. but no, i don't want it. i don't know why, but i am not really into black guys.
i wanna have a date with an asian one ... so *cough*moveurfuckingass*cough* LOL

i have to tell u this. when i had the treatment at alecs sensei he got one, too. and he had to take off his shirt ... mdjkvhcncjfhfgfh o.o! O.O!!!

I saw his tattoos. And his nipple piercings.
OH MY FUCKING GOD. I swear, I grinned like I would be retarted, rofl. When his sensei said, take ur shirt off, he looked at me, smiled totally shy like ... omg, now she is looking on my big fat beer belly, muahahahaha.
And yes, I DID!!! But he is not really fat. he has the right weight. and he is a very attractive and handsome young guy :3

so, that is all from me ... for now XD

See u, huns :D
haebin: (Gackt ||| Samurai)
yeah, right, i did it. went to the swimming complex today. and it was so, so, so cool *___*
when it is so hot like here and u are going into the pool, the cool water is floating over youre body. best feeling ever. i enjoyed it so, so much. i think, i will visit the swimming complex more than just once :D
actually i wanted to go in the morning, but i slept so long (ah, the fortune teller yesterday told me i have to sleep more) und didn't want to leave my bed, lol.
so i went to the swimming complex at 1PM. when i left the hostel the heat hit me. it was so, so hot and i really had the feeling of burning. but hey, no pain, go gain ... like ... no sun, no water? :P

I went to the pool several times, back to the bench, finished my third book, slept a little bit and messaged like crazy with alecs.

ok, that is kinda mean. when i am in germany i am never using my cellphone, lol. ask jutta :P
it is really hard to find any contact with me. but now? I am sending messages like an addict, lol. but u know, when u are messaging 10x here, u get 50 more messages for free. so, why should i ignore this offer? :P

For tomorrow I'll meet alecs again, yay :D
he is bringing me to his doc because of my backpains. after that we are going to his hairdresser. he had a really cute thought today and I have to share it. he send me this message:
anyway, just a thought, since you are changing, wanna go see my hair dresser and ge a new hair do, like a perm? ;)

at first i thought, wtf. but after some minutes i asked myself, why not? okay, not really for a perm (dun want to spend 200 dollar for it), but maybe for a new hairstyle? let's see. when we are done with all the things I am staying at clarke quy or taking the mrt to the sea (just 3 stations away from the central).

for today I am done, lol. I am tired, but relaxed and happy. just watching a little bit tv or reading and going early to bed, I think :D

so, take care, sweethearts :3

haebin: (Dir en Grey ||| Kyo ||| Light)
So, what can I say? Had a long day. And being together with alecs is always so, so cool. I am enjoying totally the time with him. He is making me laugh and I love it when he is talking about random things. He has a great humor and often I burst out into laughter because he can be so damn silly. But I love it.

ok, let us start in the morning. I woke up this morning at 5AM o.O
I really didn't want to wake up, but i couldn't sleep anymore. So i've read a little bit and then I had to go to the toilet. ok, that shouldn't be write down in an entry like this, but ... when I was on the way I had to go to through the lounge and there was the guy, watching pr0n again. I really felt uncomfortable to walk through the darkness, knowing that he is maybe horny through watching pr0n. I know, that sounds very neurotic and hysterical, but I didn't it.
Alecs told me that watching pr0n in Singapore is forbidden especially in *public* places. The hostel counts as such a place.
So I think I will talk to Grace or Ah Long tomorrow...

Anyway, alecs met me at 11.15AM at the bus station. Today he surprised me several times. Maybe I was reading so concentrated on my book, lol. So, whe took the bus to the victoria street and went in direction to the fortune teller. but at first we sat down something to eat. And he said at the next second: You only have 20 minutes to eat.
lol. I know I am way too slow when I am eating. I didn't want something because I still had a little bit trouble with my stomach, so he ordered something for himself. But he brought me a fork and at the end we ate together from one dish ;D
It was okay. So, there were some potatos on the dish and he didn't want to eat it, so I did :D

After that we went to the fortune teller and I took alecs with me. He sat next to me and it helped me to calm down a little bit. When the fortune teller asked me of having some questions I asked him to leave for a minute (of course he wanted to know what I was asking the fortune teller when we left her). The whole talk with her was very interesting. And she said to me: Remove the piercings in your lip. It isn't good for u. It doesn't help u to get happy.
I wasn't so sure about it, but then she said go to the temple with alecs and ask the gods. And we did it.
And I got really a message ... like she said.

*a pine tree grows more beautiful as it ages. no natural element such as wind, rain, snow could harm it. besides, its wood is excelleny for beam construction. to receive this chiam is a good omen.*

after that I removed my piercings. I got this piercings when I wanted the pain. When I wanted to punish myself. When I had the feeling I am like dead inside, I got a piercing.
So now I want to heal...
The fortune teller said a lot more, but i don't wanna talk about it here.

so, after the appointment with her, alecs and i went to the temple, praid, then he brought me to a place where i could buy cds *.*
Bought the new cd of david tao and jj lin and an old one of david tao <3

after that we took the bus and I accompanied him to the Central. He went to work and I walked around, made some pictures, went alone in a cafe (!) and after that I went to the river, take off my shoes and socks and read in my book.
Alecs send me a message at 3PM but i didn't noticed it. 40 minutes later someone said hi. I was scared to death til I realized that alecs said next to me, smiling like a little boy.
I had my cellphone in the hands and he said, u are always so slowly!!! then we talked about three minutes, he looked at the boats and said to me, we have to do this, too! And I have to bring u there. And there, and there!
I am pretty sure, that when he would have the chance he would see me every day. But with his wife it is not such a good idea.
When he sat next to me, his phone ringed and I smiled at him, asking him "your wife?" and he smiled back answering *but wiche one?*
We laughed both and I poked him gentle. I think, he likes it. I really can't wait to see him again.

Anyway, I finished my book, got a really hard sunburn at my arms and took the bus alone (!) back to the hostel. Even when I left the bus three stations before my destination, I found it >D
And I am very proud of myself.

So, now let's see what I am doing tomorrow. Maybe going back to Victorias Street or swimming

PS: Hab mit Alecs heute auch komischen Sojasaft getrunken, aber der schmeckt trotzdem :D

Alles Liebe,
haebin: (Fullmetal Alchimist ||| WTF?)
change your mindset. that is actually a pretty good thought. when I was angry today (short after I left the convention and came back at the hostel( everything went wrong.
I forgot the towels for my shower, the water was cold, I nearly broke my leg because of the slippery ground. I took a deep breath, said to myself the whole time *change your mindset*, calmed down, thought about going out with Gunjan, having a nice dinner and fun.

And we went out. I had a wonderful dinner, Gunjan paid for me *thank u!* and Ah Long shared his watermelon with me, when he crossed our way. After that I saw an awesome dancing show by 600 people in a stadium here in the near. AWESOME! It was so beautiful that I was so, so close to tears. When the people saw me, they smiled and waved. I did it, too.
And I felt so thankful and happy. It was just amazing. And u know what the best thing was? U could see everyone there and it didn't matter which age u had, whether you are an asian, caucasion, women, men, child, ugly, beautiful, smart or not. It was just dancing and being happy.
Next saturday they will have this show again and I'll go there watching them ;)

And I found a "Schwimmbad" here in the near. Just 4 minutes away from the hostel. Even when I am not a supermodel, I am not beautiful, I wanna go there tomorrow :)
Being in a pool will be awesome :D
And it cost me only one singapore dollar for the whole day (50 cent, muahahaha(.

So, I'll look forward!

Lots of love,
haebin: (Danbo ||| Oh noes)
I can not login into facebook and I don't have any idea why. when it works, my whole facebook side looks fucked up =(
That sucks because I wanted to send Kazuki-chan my cellphone number and wanted to see what is going on with my friends.
I think, maybe facebook is having some problems and I hope they will fix it as soon as possible.

So, I really woke up this morning at 6AM with a smile on my face. I came online maybe to catch Jutta, but she slept probably at 11PM? :D
So, I replied on some comments, went back to my single-room and tried to sleep. but I couldn't, maybe because i feel so happy, lol.

I think I will pack my stuff again in my bags to change my room. it is now 8AM, so I don't wanna wake up the other girl. Have to wait a little bit more =)

So, this morning I thought about yesterday and I really want to share something with u what made me giggling the whole time.
I told alecs that I really like it to listen to him when he is speaking chinese. So, we sat at the cab, I looked at him, smiled and said:
Alecs? Could you say something in chinese because I love it listening to u.
Alecs: Ni Hao? o.O
*burst out into laughters*
I know, that sounds so silly, but the way he said it and looked at me, I couldn't stop. He has an awesome humor and he nagged about me the whole time yesterday when we eat something, because I was too slow, lol.
And he has a really bad habit. When I've eaten he told me about the most disgusting dishes I have ever heard of it. Like eating living fishes or eating the eyes of a fish, frog, pork skin and whatever. The whole time I was yelling *eeeeeeeeeeeeew*
I guess, he liked it, lol.
He is awesome. Can't wait to see him again. yesterday night he send me a message again, but my cellphone was in my room, so I got his message this morning. what a lovely way to wake up :)

I'll send him a message later, when he woke up, because I am pretty sure he is still sleeping now.

So, that's all from me. And come on, people, give me comments, I have to answer something when I am coming online, lol.

Lots of Hugs =)



Jan. 7th, 2010 11:31 pm
haebin: (Stock ||| Far away)
Today i made another beautiful experience. here at the hostel is a girl named sata. she is beautiful. when i saw her for the first time she got totally my attention. she said her name, gave me a handshake and smiled.
So, when I sat here at the *livingroom* she was next to me and I thought on a sentence which I ve read in the book that alecs gave me.
When u are having a positive thought, share it. u will make the other person happy and you, too.
So, I smiled at her and said: Sata, I have to say something to you. U are really beautiful, I love your stile. I think u are really a beautiful person.

And yes, so I broke the ice, the border. I did it. I did what I felt and she gave me her warmest smile and she opened up and we talked a lot. She is a hippie-girl with dreadlocks and she is having the most beautiful smile on earth and a deep heart and a very deep soul. I am so, so glad that I made this trip. That I am opening myself, starting to get re-born with every day. For now I am done with the people who hurt me. That was a lesson, not a mistake. They showed me my borders.
Now I am prepared for the good ones who are in my life. my family, jutta, my friends. I think I start to accept that they are loving me. Not asking anymore why they are doing that. They have their reasons. The most important thing is, they love me. Me. For what I am.

I hope that this journey is bringing me more such wonderful experiences, making me stronger, helping me to heal, to accept the dark path which I went through the last 5 years.

haebin: (The Gazette ||| Aoi ||| I rock!)
Seriously. That was one of the best days in my life.
I am happy. I can't write down what I feel right now. Being happy, thankful, emotional, full of joy, satisfied, still nervous, in love. all together.


Yes, i couldn't wait anymore, but that was alecs fault, lol. he brought me to his thai tattoo master, saying to me, oh, you have to take a look, meeting the people and so on. and what happened? I decided to get two new tattoos. lol. on the right side I had five spirituel lines and the meaning is for luck, health, money, attraction, love and so on. on the left side is the sign of the master, a spirituel protection. and yes, it was handpoke. and trust me, that was a NEW level of PAIN. gosh, i had tears in my eyes and I broke nearly alecs hand, lol. two guys had to hold me because it was so painful. and alecs was strong and brave, too, because he had some wounds on his hands and I pushed his hand so hard, lol.

Do u know what is awesome? at first alecs and me sending messages via cellphone. after that we had a chat via facebook and we talked about getting the thai tattoo. so, I asked him when we want to see each other and he said, what the heck, we can meet now.
I was like ... WHAT THE FUCK? O.O
But I said yes and I was so, so fucking nervous. so, we wanted to meet at the lavender foot quarter. the only place i know, lol. so, he took a cab there, but we didn't find each other, lol. So we talked via cellphone and I couldn't understand him so well, but we met us. and to see him was like ... whoa. whoa. we both smiled and hugged and then he bring me around. I have the feeling that I saw the whole city tonight, lol. We went to the victoria street, to a temple, we prayed together, I gave him his present and I made the right choice because at them moment he is reading a book about the budhism, too, yay. so, he was very happy. I saw so much and we talked about so much and we laughed. and he was so worried that I would be shocked to see him *because he thinks he is too fat*.
Actually last night he had a fight in bar because he was drunk *ehem* und his eye was swollen and black, LOL. so, the whole time he asked me, can u see it? Is it swollen?
So, we eat something. It was an unusual experience for me. It was a peanut soup with some meat/balls. some of the balls had red beans and so on. it was okay, lol.

so, but before we went out for dinner we went to the thai tattoo studio. and yes, I got a tattoo. and it was painful. I was so happy that alecs held my hand. he doesn't like physical contact with other people but he looked fine and he smiled and watched me. It was ... whoa. At the end of the tattoo I got some prayers and the blessing of the master. u know, when i was in therapy my therapist said always to me, take a deep breath, anke. But I never could do it. I was always so caged inside myself. Today I did it when I got the blessing and it was an awesome spiritual experience. I felt so ... *being deep, feeling myself, my true self what was hiding for so long...
I want more. Actually I wanted to do at the convention, but I prefer getting the tattoo there, because it is intimate. and the master is ... whoa. I never met such a warm, deep kinded person like him.

so, alecs want to message me on sunday because we are going to the fortune teller at monday. And then ... let's see ;)

lots of love,

i am off now to talk with gunjan :D

Love u all!!!
haebin: (Misc 28)
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And another year has passed.
The time flies, ne?

For you

Apr. 20th, 2009 06:34 pm
haebin: (Misc 29)
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haebin: (Misc 5)
I had a wonderful dream today.
I stood on a river in front of a typical thai-style house. Someone said I could buy this house. It was really beautiful and the best thing was the view. In the first floor there were a huge, open room and a huge veranda. In the back there were a stairway and all of the rooms were in the second floor. I went to one of those rooms and looked out of the window. I saw behind the house a huge rice field. And everything was red because of the sunset. It was … wow. When I woke up I felt so peaceful. I felt so unbelievable well. I’ve searched at Deviantart for some pictures and I found two, which were similar to my dream. Really similar. Kinda scary. But I swear, I’ve never seen those pictures before.
I wish, the dream would show me my future *laughs*
Living in Thailand in this wonderful house in this unbelievable beautiful scenery. Of course with a husband and a lot of children *cough*look at A.*cough* XD

Here are the pictures:

The house
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The Sunset (and it was exactly like that!)
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After I woke up I felt strong enough to leave the apartment. I made a lot of pictures with my Digicam. Only flowers, but some of the pictures turned out pretty well :)
I’ll upload the pictures as soon as possible, promised =)

And the best thing was … I went to the river \*_*/
*is very proud of myself*
Years ago, I was every day at the river, sitting there, listening music and reading. But with all the depressions and so on, I was too afraid. You know … the loss of the control and the longing to stop all the pain. So I try to avoid going to the river, when I don’t feel strong enough (like 99% of the year). I could do something really stupid…
But today I made it. I sat on the river, listened JJ and felt the wind and the sun on my skin. It was an unbelievable great feeling :)
I really enjoyed it :3

Nya, I think, that’s all from me … again ;)

Take care,
haebin: (Misc 6)
Mou, I am sick =/
And that is my dads fault. The last days he sneezed and coughed like crazy. Now he is fine and my mum and I are sick =(
And beside of that I have problems with my stomach and feel like throwing up constantly. Not a nice feeling. And at the end I had horrible back pains this night. Beside of that, I am okay. I am still feeling “nyappy” because of the concert. I don’t know why, but An Cafes concerts make me happy :)

This morning I woke up at 5 AM. That is the time when I normally chat with Alecs *laughs*
But he is in Bangkok right now for five days, having holidays and visiting his Thai Tattoo Master. It is strange, but when I browsed this morning through the web, I missed him so much. Okay, I miss him with every minute, but I am happy for him because I know he really needs a break from everything.
The funniest thing was on Friday I said goodbye to him, because I knew that he can’t come online at the weekend … because his wife is using the internet. When I said “bye” to him and noticed, that he can’t come online, he gave me the answer: “I’ll try to come online for you.”
On Saturday I turned on my computer and went back to the bed to sleep. And he didn’t come online. But I was okay with that. On Saturday evening I came online and I had an offline-message of from him. I was so surprised, because he never wrote me before at the afternoon (german time). So, I wrote him a mail, saying that I am sorry for missing him online and so on. And Sunday morning he came online for 10 minutes to say goodbye again *laughs*
And yesterday evening he came back online again O_O
I was like “wtfomfg” *laughs*
I asked why he is online again and he said, he can’t find sleep, so he wanted to talk with me. Isn’t that cute?
He really seems to like me. He likes me so much that he start to chat secretly with me at his home … during his wife is sleeping in the other room. I know, that sounds so … “bitchy”. I never wanted be “the second woman” in a men’s life, but … my heart is going another way than my mind. And … I don’t like her. Not because she is his wife, no … I didn’t like her at the first second, because her behaviour is so arrogant and so narrow minded. And it hurts me to see how Alecs is suffering in this marriage *sigh*
I wish he would kick her out his house because of the things she did to him…
But that is not my decision, ne?...

So, anyway. Did someone watch the Korean movie “Antique”? God, I watched it today and the movie is SO, SO awesome :3
It’s one of my favourite movies now =D
I need the soundtrack AND I have to make icons of the cute guys in the movie. They are all sooo, sooo good looking. I think, Korean guys are the hottest guys in Asia. Damn, look at their bodies XD
So, if you didn’t watch “Antique” until now, do it! I highly recommend it and you won’t regret the movie!!!

So, take care everyone :)
Luv ya all :3

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Feb. 11th, 2009 05:59 am
haebin: (Misc 4)
It is 6 AM and I am chatting with him :D
*feels so happy*


haebin: (Default)

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