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haebinHey hey! Time for a new chapter, right?
Enjoy it and if you want, please tell me what you thought about it.
Thank you so, so much for reading!!
“A child looks good on you, Anwyn,” Eleri remarked as she laid the sling on the meadow, which was immediately taken up by Yarrow and her big son. She smiled.
Anwyn looked at Eleri, who knelt down again and gently stroked Yarrow's fur. She was still smiling, but the half-elf realized that her gaze clouded over and her shoulders slumped.
"Are my words painful for you? Did I hurt you?" Eleri asked in a low voice with a hint of uncertainty in it. Anwyn shook her head slowly, sighing.
“No,” she replied slowly. "I know how things are with me and Trálír. It's painful, but the truth is that we'll never have the life you and Conall have. Still, there are some nights when I imagine what it would be like to carry Trálír's child, to bring something into this world that is a part of both of us."
“It would still be possible, Anwyn,” Eleri replied, looking intently at her friend.
“And then let the child grow up to be the bastard of the ruler's son?” Anwyn asked rashly and was surprised to see the hurt expression in her friend's light blue eyes. She sensed that her words had hit a sore spot in Eleri that she had not suspected.
“Forgive me, I... I didn't... I didn't mean to...” Anwyn stammered, concerned. Eleri tried to smile, but the attempt failed miserably and she pressed her lips together unhappily. She took her son from Anwyn's arms, sat down cross-legged on the meadow and laid her child tenderly in the space between her thighs.
She didn't look at Anwyn, but she began to speak in a low voice: “I'm going to tell you something that only Conall knows about and that I've never said a word about since we left the realm where I was born to come to the Blackwater Lands, Anwyn.”
“I'm sorry if my thoughtless words hurt you,” Anwyn whispered guiltily and lowered her gaze, staring at her hands and knotting her fingers together. The two women did not look at each other, but Anwyn listened to Eleri's further words with an anxious heart.
"I was born in Weissstein , a small coastal village, the northernmost point of the White Valley. My mother was human, my father a..." Eleri sighed sadly and her gaze seemed to wander into the distance, looking back to times long past.
“My father was a Teladari,” she continued quietly and Anwyn looked at her in astonishment.
“A high elf from the White Mountains?” she asked in amazement. „They belong to some of the oldest elven races.”
Eleri nodded. "He and his men came back from a war that they successfully ended for themselves. The thirst of blood still rushed through their veins, they were drunk with victory and they stopped off in our village, celebrating loudly and unrestrainedly in our little tavern. They partied for days, drank, ate all our provisions, took the women, girls, men and boys into their chambers. They didn't care whether they wanted to or not, and if a man spoke up to save his wife or child from the hands of a Teladari, his throat was cut with a laugh."
Eleri paused and closed her eyes in agony. "Some gave themselves to them with passion, most were forced. Old women, young women, girls, young men. The Teladari had no interest in the old and the small children. And among the many villagers they forced themselves on was my mother," she continued in a sad voice.
"Many of the women and girls went to a healer when their bleeding didn't start, to get help to spare themselves the shame of a bastard. My mother could not bring herself to do this and decided to carry the pregnancy to term. Her plan was to hand me over to the forest as soon as I was born, but as I lay screaming and trembling in her arms, she took pity on me and decided to let me live. But she still couldn't love me."
Eleri's eyes filled with tears and her thin voice began to tremble. "Since I was the only obvious and still living proof of that shameful night, the villagers treated me with disgust. No one spoke to me, no one gave me a kind word. I spent my childhood in the presence of a silent mother who had lost all her will to live when my father forced himself on her and the villagers who saw in me the shame, the constant reminder of those cruel deeds."
Anwyn's heart grew heavy as she listened to her friend's words. With a tight throat, she carefully placed her hand on Eleris, which in turn rested on her son's stomach. The half-elf did not withdraw her hand, however, but allowed Anwyn's comforting touch.
“The only one who ever spoke a word to me or showed any interest in the shy, silent girl who always had to hide in the shadows was the mischievous, wild half-elf who loved to roam the coast where I took refuge every day.”
Eleri looked at Anwyn and tried to suppress the tears that were welling up.
"Conall was curious why the villagers disregarded me, chased me away and sometimes beat me up. And often enough I couldn't run away fast enough, so the other children would grab and attack me, having fun knocking me down. He was the only one who intervened, who stopped the others from hitting me again and again. I didn't just find a friend in him, Anwyn. I found the love of my life, my Thiramin, the father of my children."
A sob broke out on Eleri's lips as she spoke the following words: “Even if the people in my village have been reminded of all the suffering they have endured by my presence, am I, as the fruit of such an act, as a bastard, worth less than others and undeserving of love?”
Anwyn closed his eyes in agony.
“Of course not,” she whispered with a heavy heart, hot tears of shame gathering in the corners of her eyes and her guilty conscience towards Eleri was hard for her to bear. She felt a deep pain inside her as Anwyn realized that she had hurt her friend deeply with her thoughtless words.
Brin, sitting on the cloth between Anwyn and his mother, did not understand the meaning of what the two women were saying, but he sensed the importance of their words and he saw the sad expression on his mother's face. Without comprehending a word of what was said, he placed his small hand on Eleri's thigh, who turned to him and smiled gently. Before stroking her son's hair, she quickly wiped the tears from her face.
“I'm so sorry that my rash words have hurt you so much, Eleri,” Anwyn continued softly. She gathered all her courage, raised her eyes and looked at her friend, who silently returned her gaze. There was no reproach in the light blue eyes, no anger, and yet the past pain was clearly visible in them. "It was not my intention to hurt you, Eleri. I wasn't thinking and..." Anwyn broke off bashfully, shaking her head in desparation with her eyes closed. "My words were stupid. It was a terrible thing to say and I deeply regret it."
Anwyn bit her lips so hard that the pain she felt was almost comforting. There was silence between the two women for a few moments.
After a while, Eleri cleared her throat and continued in a calm voice: "Even though your words have brought back very painful memories, I can understand the reason for your opinion. You want to prevent your child from suffering, from experiencing disgust, resentment and even violence. And no mother wants to experience that, I understand that. Nevertheless, the child would have a special advantage, Anwyn."
She frowned uncertainly. “And that would be?”
"A loving mother and a loving father. Your child could face all the evils of this world, because your love would catch and protect it again and again. Even if it didn't have the protective status of the future ruler of the Blackwater Lands, the child would grow up in security and love."
When Anwyn heard her friend's words, her throat tightened and she swallowed back the tears that were welling up.
"I don't want to persuade you to do anything that you completely rule out for yourself, Anwyn. I just want to show you what opportunities and possibilities our lives can have, even if we are afraid or our insecurities want to keep us from many things. Every decision we make carries a certain amount of risk. But I know that your child would not be like many others in these lands. Even if it were half-human, half-elf, if its father is of noble blood, your child would be loved. Your love and that of his father would be a protection against all the horrors of this world."
Anwyn looked at her friend cautiously, as if she would not completely rule out the idea. It was as if she was touching the idea uncertainly with her fingertips, taking it in her hands and looking at it carefully and doubtfully from every angle. It was a cautious approach to a future she could never have imagined. Wished for, yes? Longed for it, of course. But to see this as a real possibility for herself and Trálír was something completely new. Frightening and promising at the same time.
Eleri watched Anwyn attentively as she thought about the half-elf's words. Lost in thought, she stroked Yarrow's sun-warmed fur with her left hand as he yawned profusely while she rested her other hand on the grass. Elyan, lying in his mother's lap, had fallen asleep while the older son, Brin, who was sitting next to her, placed some pebbles he had collected on the shore on top of each other.
A few moments passed before Eleri looked to Anwyn and addressed her by name. The young woman looked up at her, smiling cautiously.
“I hope my words didn't hurt you?” the half-elf asked worried.
Anwyn shook her head quickly.
"No. No, they didn't," she replied and her smile was no longer restrained but warm and gentle. “I was just thinking.”
Eleri looked at her friend intently and Anwyn knew what question was on her mind without having to put it into words.
“To have a child, Trálír would have to sleep with me first,” murmured Anwyn, pressing her lips together in embarrassment. Eleri's light blue eyes widened in astonishment.
“Wait a moment,” she said in surprise and leaned forward a little towards Anwyn, as if she hadn't understood her words and needed to make sure she had heard correctly.
“You didn't give yourselves to each other?”
Anwyn shook her head despondently.
“I... I'm... I don't know what to say,” Eleri stammered and looked at her friend in bewilderment. “I thought we ... well, Conall and I, thought ... that you had already ...” She broke off and shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. Anwyn looked at the half-elf wordlessly.
“Then... then...” Eleri cleared her throat, shaking her head to pull herself together. "Well, I'm not usually at a loss for the right words, but ... I, we thought you had already given yourselves fully to each other. When I see you and Tralir standing together, there is so much love in your gestures and words. And I can imagine how great your longing for each other is. Don't you want to give yourself to him? Are you afraid to take that step?"
Anwyn took a deep breath and avoided her friend's gaze for a moment. It was the first time she had spoken to anyone about her feelings for Trálír. Yes, the others knew that she and the high elf were in a relationship and yes, neither of them was ashamed of their feelings and gestures.
Nevertheless, at the beginning of their relationship, it had always made her insecure when Trálír had reached for her hand or kissed her. She had not felt this because she was uncomfortable in his presence, but out of her own insecurity. She wanted to understand why Trálír always sought her closeness, why he obviously couldn't get enough of her.
The experiences she had had with people over the years were either grudging tolerance or open rejection.
Once or twice she had tried to get an answer to her questions about why he had these feelings towards her, what was the reason for them, but Trálír had only smiled and given her more intimate kisses as his answer. And as time passed, Anwyn no longer questioned his feelings, but trusted him and believed her own feelings as well. Still, she was alone with her thoughts and emotions, never talking about her fears and insecurities, because who could she confide in? Her father?
Or one of the women in her village? Those who talked about her behind her back, calling her a whore and a traitor for giving herself to the elf?
Ever since Anwyn and Trálír had become close, she had always been alone with her thoughts and feelings.
Confiding in Eleri now was a completely new experience for Anwyn.
Enjoy it and if you want, please tell me what you thought about it.
Thank you so, so much for reading!!
“A child looks good on you, Anwyn,” Eleri remarked as she laid the sling on the meadow, which was immediately taken up by Yarrow and her big son. She smiled.
Anwyn looked at Eleri, who knelt down again and gently stroked Yarrow's fur. She was still smiling, but the half-elf realized that her gaze clouded over and her shoulders slumped.
"Are my words painful for you? Did I hurt you?" Eleri asked in a low voice with a hint of uncertainty in it. Anwyn shook her head slowly, sighing.
“No,” she replied slowly. "I know how things are with me and Trálír. It's painful, but the truth is that we'll never have the life you and Conall have. Still, there are some nights when I imagine what it would be like to carry Trálír's child, to bring something into this world that is a part of both of us."
“It would still be possible, Anwyn,” Eleri replied, looking intently at her friend.
“And then let the child grow up to be the bastard of the ruler's son?” Anwyn asked rashly and was surprised to see the hurt expression in her friend's light blue eyes. She sensed that her words had hit a sore spot in Eleri that she had not suspected.
“Forgive me, I... I didn't... I didn't mean to...” Anwyn stammered, concerned. Eleri tried to smile, but the attempt failed miserably and she pressed her lips together unhappily. She took her son from Anwyn's arms, sat down cross-legged on the meadow and laid her child tenderly in the space between her thighs.
She didn't look at Anwyn, but she began to speak in a low voice: “I'm going to tell you something that only Conall knows about and that I've never said a word about since we left the realm where I was born to come to the Blackwater Lands, Anwyn.”
“I'm sorry if my thoughtless words hurt you,” Anwyn whispered guiltily and lowered her gaze, staring at her hands and knotting her fingers together. The two women did not look at each other, but Anwyn listened to Eleri's further words with an anxious heart.
"I was born in Weissstein , a small coastal village, the northernmost point of the White Valley. My mother was human, my father a..." Eleri sighed sadly and her gaze seemed to wander into the distance, looking back to times long past.
“My father was a Teladari,” she continued quietly and Anwyn looked at her in astonishment.
“A high elf from the White Mountains?” she asked in amazement. „They belong to some of the oldest elven races.”
Eleri nodded. "He and his men came back from a war that they successfully ended for themselves. The thirst of blood still rushed through their veins, they were drunk with victory and they stopped off in our village, celebrating loudly and unrestrainedly in our little tavern. They partied for days, drank, ate all our provisions, took the women, girls, men and boys into their chambers. They didn't care whether they wanted to or not, and if a man spoke up to save his wife or child from the hands of a Teladari, his throat was cut with a laugh."
Eleri paused and closed her eyes in agony. "Some gave themselves to them with passion, most were forced. Old women, young women, girls, young men. The Teladari had no interest in the old and the small children. And among the many villagers they forced themselves on was my mother," she continued in a sad voice.
"Many of the women and girls went to a healer when their bleeding didn't start, to get help to spare themselves the shame of a bastard. My mother could not bring herself to do this and decided to carry the pregnancy to term. Her plan was to hand me over to the forest as soon as I was born, but as I lay screaming and trembling in her arms, she took pity on me and decided to let me live. But she still couldn't love me."
Eleri's eyes filled with tears and her thin voice began to tremble. "Since I was the only obvious and still living proof of that shameful night, the villagers treated me with disgust. No one spoke to me, no one gave me a kind word. I spent my childhood in the presence of a silent mother who had lost all her will to live when my father forced himself on her and the villagers who saw in me the shame, the constant reminder of those cruel deeds."
Anwyn's heart grew heavy as she listened to her friend's words. With a tight throat, she carefully placed her hand on Eleris, which in turn rested on her son's stomach. The half-elf did not withdraw her hand, however, but allowed Anwyn's comforting touch.
“The only one who ever spoke a word to me or showed any interest in the shy, silent girl who always had to hide in the shadows was the mischievous, wild half-elf who loved to roam the coast where I took refuge every day.”
Eleri looked at Anwyn and tried to suppress the tears that were welling up.
"Conall was curious why the villagers disregarded me, chased me away and sometimes beat me up. And often enough I couldn't run away fast enough, so the other children would grab and attack me, having fun knocking me down. He was the only one who intervened, who stopped the others from hitting me again and again. I didn't just find a friend in him, Anwyn. I found the love of my life, my Thiramin, the father of my children."
A sob broke out on Eleri's lips as she spoke the following words: “Even if the people in my village have been reminded of all the suffering they have endured by my presence, am I, as the fruit of such an act, as a bastard, worth less than others and undeserving of love?”
Anwyn closed his eyes in agony.
“Of course not,” she whispered with a heavy heart, hot tears of shame gathering in the corners of her eyes and her guilty conscience towards Eleri was hard for her to bear. She felt a deep pain inside her as Anwyn realized that she had hurt her friend deeply with her thoughtless words.
Brin, sitting on the cloth between Anwyn and his mother, did not understand the meaning of what the two women were saying, but he sensed the importance of their words and he saw the sad expression on his mother's face. Without comprehending a word of what was said, he placed his small hand on Eleri's thigh, who turned to him and smiled gently. Before stroking her son's hair, she quickly wiped the tears from her face.
“I'm so sorry that my rash words have hurt you so much, Eleri,” Anwyn continued softly. She gathered all her courage, raised her eyes and looked at her friend, who silently returned her gaze. There was no reproach in the light blue eyes, no anger, and yet the past pain was clearly visible in them. "It was not my intention to hurt you, Eleri. I wasn't thinking and..." Anwyn broke off bashfully, shaking her head in desparation with her eyes closed. "My words were stupid. It was a terrible thing to say and I deeply regret it."
Anwyn bit her lips so hard that the pain she felt was almost comforting. There was silence between the two women for a few moments.
After a while, Eleri cleared her throat and continued in a calm voice: "Even though your words have brought back very painful memories, I can understand the reason for your opinion. You want to prevent your child from suffering, from experiencing disgust, resentment and even violence. And no mother wants to experience that, I understand that. Nevertheless, the child would have a special advantage, Anwyn."
She frowned uncertainly. “And that would be?”
"A loving mother and a loving father. Your child could face all the evils of this world, because your love would catch and protect it again and again. Even if it didn't have the protective status of the future ruler of the Blackwater Lands, the child would grow up in security and love."
When Anwyn heard her friend's words, her throat tightened and she swallowed back the tears that were welling up.
"I don't want to persuade you to do anything that you completely rule out for yourself, Anwyn. I just want to show you what opportunities and possibilities our lives can have, even if we are afraid or our insecurities want to keep us from many things. Every decision we make carries a certain amount of risk. But I know that your child would not be like many others in these lands. Even if it were half-human, half-elf, if its father is of noble blood, your child would be loved. Your love and that of his father would be a protection against all the horrors of this world."
Anwyn looked at her friend cautiously, as if she would not completely rule out the idea. It was as if she was touching the idea uncertainly with her fingertips, taking it in her hands and looking at it carefully and doubtfully from every angle. It was a cautious approach to a future she could never have imagined. Wished for, yes? Longed for it, of course. But to see this as a real possibility for herself and Trálír was something completely new. Frightening and promising at the same time.
Eleri watched Anwyn attentively as she thought about the half-elf's words. Lost in thought, she stroked Yarrow's sun-warmed fur with her left hand as he yawned profusely while she rested her other hand on the grass. Elyan, lying in his mother's lap, had fallen asleep while the older son, Brin, who was sitting next to her, placed some pebbles he had collected on the shore on top of each other.
A few moments passed before Eleri looked to Anwyn and addressed her by name. The young woman looked up at her, smiling cautiously.
“I hope my words didn't hurt you?” the half-elf asked worried.
Anwyn shook her head quickly.
"No. No, they didn't," she replied and her smile was no longer restrained but warm and gentle. “I was just thinking.”
Eleri looked at her friend intently and Anwyn knew what question was on her mind without having to put it into words.
“To have a child, Trálír would have to sleep with me first,” murmured Anwyn, pressing her lips together in embarrassment. Eleri's light blue eyes widened in astonishment.
“Wait a moment,” she said in surprise and leaned forward a little towards Anwyn, as if she hadn't understood her words and needed to make sure she had heard correctly.
“You didn't give yourselves to each other?”
Anwyn shook her head despondently.
“I... I'm... I don't know what to say,” Eleri stammered and looked at her friend in bewilderment. “I thought we ... well, Conall and I, thought ... that you had already ...” She broke off and shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. Anwyn looked at the half-elf wordlessly.
“Then... then...” Eleri cleared her throat, shaking her head to pull herself together. "Well, I'm not usually at a loss for the right words, but ... I, we thought you had already given yourselves fully to each other. When I see you and Tralir standing together, there is so much love in your gestures and words. And I can imagine how great your longing for each other is. Don't you want to give yourself to him? Are you afraid to take that step?"
Anwyn took a deep breath and avoided her friend's gaze for a moment. It was the first time she had spoken to anyone about her feelings for Trálír. Yes, the others knew that she and the high elf were in a relationship and yes, neither of them was ashamed of their feelings and gestures.
Nevertheless, at the beginning of their relationship, it had always made her insecure when Trálír had reached for her hand or kissed her. She had not felt this because she was uncomfortable in his presence, but out of her own insecurity. She wanted to understand why Trálír always sought her closeness, why he obviously couldn't get enough of her.
The experiences she had had with people over the years were either grudging tolerance or open rejection.
Once or twice she had tried to get an answer to her questions about why he had these feelings towards her, what was the reason for them, but Trálír had only smiled and given her more intimate kisses as his answer. And as time passed, Anwyn no longer questioned his feelings, but trusted him and believed her own feelings as well. Still, she was alone with her thoughts and emotions, never talking about her fears and insecurities, because who could she confide in? Her father?
Or one of the women in her village? Those who talked about her behind her back, calling her a whore and a traitor for giving herself to the elf?
Ever since Anwyn and Trálír had become close, she had always been alone with her thoughts and feelings.
Confiding in Eleri now was a completely new experience for Anwyn.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-02-23 04:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-03-22 11:50 am (UTC)🧡🧡🧡
(no subject)
Date: 2025-02-23 07:23 pm (UTC)Diese Stelle I just want to show you what opportunities and possibilities our lives can have, even if we are afraid or our insecurities want to keep us from many things. Every decision we make carries a certain amount of risk. fand ich besonders eindrucksvoll. Irgendwie gibt sie mir Hoffnung :)
(no subject)
Date: 2025-03-22 11:56 am (UTC)Ich denke, dass vieles was ich schreibe auch indirekt mit mir zu tun hat. Zum einen spricht aus dem Satz so ein bisschen Therapie raus, zum anderen wären das Worte gewesen die ich gerne gehört hätte als es mir schlecht gegangen ist. :(
Aber es macht mich so glück - und berührt mich auch zutiefst - dass diese Worte dir Hoffnung geben.
*dich ganz feste umarm*
🧡🧡🧡
(no subject)
Date: 2025-03-22 05:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-02-24 07:16 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2025-03-22 12:31 pm (UTC)